Online Dating: A Captain’s Log

January 2, 2014

Signs up for online hoping to break her streak of bad boyfriends/dates/crushes and to not die alone.

January 26, 2014

Receives first message from single male: “Hello. Would you like to join my shadow puppet club?”

January 28, 2014

Desperate thirty something uses terrible pickup line about polar bears and ice breaking. Captain sighs.

January 29, 2014

Another desperate 30 something with atrocious grammar and spelling asks for favorite dinosaur and uses the word ‘baby’ excessively.

February 1, 2014

Captain receives message that was promising until he said, “You have pretty eyes can I touch them?”

February 7, 2014

Gets asked out on a date (finally!) Captain can’t seem to coordinate schedules with male interest. Date TBD.

February 9, 2014

Matched with a male wearing a jedi outfit and holding a lightsaber in daily matches. Online dating stereotype fulfilled. Captain passes. Another online dating stereotype fulfilled.

February 12, 2014

Ditches one website in favor of another. Immediately starts getting texts from all sorts of guys.

February 15, 2014

Matched with dreamy boy that has an adorable puppy and a house. Desperately wants to go on a date.

February 16, 2014

Male love interest senses desperation and disappears. Captain can’t blame him

February 21, 2014

Captain is so over online dating

February 27, 2014

Captain matched with young man that has a job and a sense of humor. They arrange to meet

March 7, 2014

After rearranging twice due to their busy schedules, Captain and Bagel go out on their first date. It doesn’t suck.

<End of Log>

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