Things from fairytales that I wish were true

It’d be nice if some things from fairytales happened in real life, wouldn’t it?

This was the thought that stampeded through my head when my boss’ six-year-old daughter was telling me the plot of the ‘The Princess and the Frog.’ As we all know, the Prince in the story pulls some douche moves and gets turned into a frog, only cured by true love’s kiss. I was suddenly envious of this small little plot device from a worn-out story. If I could just have this one thing in my life, I’d save myself a lot of time and/or emotional distress.

I don’t want my life to resemble a Disney movie in that I fall for a prince I just met, or that I have evil step sisters, or I brush my hair with a fork. No thank you. But, I would really appreciate it if there were some magical device that would tell me when I kiss someone if this was going to go anywhere or not. Some little sign. I would appreciate it. That way, I could stop ditching potential husbands and pursuing guys that are unattainable and a total waste of my time.

Just give me a sign whether or not to use the hammer. (via

While we’re at it, there’s another thing from fairytales I would like, or Disney movies in particular, and that is adorable woodland creatures who are sometimes dressed as humans to help me do my chores. I try not to whine about them, because I am a self-sufficient, independent woman who is blessed not to have to clean things for a living, but I really, really hate cleaning bathtubs. There’s about 100 things I’d rather do than clean the bathtub and the include such unpleasant experiences as going to the DMV, figuring out health insurance, and chopping onions. Think of the time I would save! Think of the brain cells that would be spared the awful stench of bleach!

Thanks for the assist, animals! (via

Having a fairy godmother who can turn a vegetable into a beautiful carriage would also be great. It’d be even better if she could change it into an eco-friendly, reliable car in the shade of blue that makes me look adorable. I’m all about saving my pennies since I’m a starving artist, so this would be incredibly helpful. Add it to the wish list

Pimp my ride, fairy godmother (via tumblr)

Sigh, a girl can dream, right?


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